Today I feel beat. My mindset at work was not a gratuitous one. I did not stop a smell anything, let alone the flowers. I did not stop. It was all work, some hard, I even got a blister which made me angry. It hurt, and when it popped and the skin wore off, it hurt more. Try hand sanitizing an open wound! Holy buckets! I wanted to scream, cry and go home.
I trudged and sulked my way through the day. None of my "tricks" or attempts to self talk my way into a better feeling worked, only I did. For today, I am tired of working. The greenhouse was so warm, I felt sick. We put the spring flowers out to acclimate them to the weather and its changes, I have not been given the time to acclimate to all the changes occurring in my life, especially not the weather. I'm a 65° & cloudy kinda gal, comfy in a hoodie and jeans.
My drive home was torture as I contemplated my place in this world. My means of financial support, my job pays a good wage, I am middle age with no schooling beyond my GED. So landing this position, working for the city has been fortunate.
It doesn't pay a fortune, do I want a fortune? I love what I do, until I don't. My tired bones say give me a rest, my mind says become stronger and the physical work will come easier. My body sighs...
I'm home, the start of my "gallery" wall, could this ever support me? Nah, it's just for fun.
I hear you. I swing between loving and hating my job, it pays the bills but what about my soul. Art balances this and gives me a place to stop, rest and recharge. X
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I swing between loving and hating my job, it pays the bills but what about my soul. Art balances this and gives me a place to stop, rest and recharge. X
ReplyDeleteAh yes I get it.
ReplyDeleteMy art is my escape now, and it's also now my lifes breaths.bused to be a book, now art lets me relax and escape. Enjoy your art, all the time it's fun it helps you with the rest of the day.
Yes I think most of us are at that stage of life! I know if I didn't have bills to pay and thought my "Art" could pay my way then I'd be set - but alas, I know that is not the case. Hang in there, those of us with a job at the moment are blessed beyond measure in this crazy world. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI love your gallery wall! Art journaling and creating art kept me together over the years during some really difficult times at work. I worked past retirement age and was finally able to retire and am thankful for that.
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