Life IS beautiful, yet, it can feel pretty messy at times. These past few days I have been in a bad headspace. Like The Exorcist, spewing split pea soup every time I opened my mouth.
This type of behavior does not make me proud. It literally enrages me that I, still to this day, give up my power to things and people in which I have no control over. I am a thermostat damn it! I set the temperature of my mood! Least, I know better, or thought I did.
It's that whole midlife bull piss. An empty nest, I've never fully mourned. Ok, well, I mourn it often and my baby is 31! Never fully accepted. Grandchildren I cared for often helped alleviate the pain of the emptiness. Covid and then relocation five months ago that moved me over an hour away from them has left my nest cold and lonely once again.
Yep! I am married, twenty years in May. Twenty years of putting my marriage on the back burner behind my kids, grandkids and Mom. Twenty years he has put his career ahead of all.
How can someone feel like a stranger in your life, to your heart when you've slept beside him for approximately the last 7,300 nights?
So, yeah, it's all that and more.
I have no vices to numb my feelings or cloud my mind. I'm a highly sensitive person, emotionally passionate with a tape worm of thoughts.
It all feels never-ending.
I lose my shit.
It's scary as a 5'2, 125 lb tornado.
That made me laugh...
But, hey, I'm back, and I share with you my pineapple top! Yay! I remembered it!
I'll update it's progress and perhaps my own as it grows or withers away.
Fellow HSP here and boy did I feel all the feels when reading this. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you at least got some of it out of your head and onto the blog page. I hope the sharing helped a little!
ReplyDeleteI hope it felt goooooood to vent that out. I'm wishing you a day full of ease.
ReplyDeleteI hope venting helped a little bit. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI hope your day has run as smoothly as it can, Im glad you got that out of you, its good that you feel safe doing it here, i applaud you. take care.
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